Donald Trump Is A Gambler, Here’s Why

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Is Donald Trump tipping his hand about who he has a future on?

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If there’s one thing we can agree on, serving McDonald’s at the reception of the National Champion Clemson Tigers is a bizarre move that really sends off a weird vibe. But what if it is a carefully calculated move to entice a current NFL coach into winning the Super Bowl.

Now Andy Reid has been atrocious in the playoffs for the past 6 or so years, but he flipped the script this year faster than a McDouble in the microwave. Was Donald Trump’s McDonald’s buffet a bat signal to Andy Reid that there was a goal at the end of the tunnel. Not a trophy, plaque, or parade, but an all-you-can-eat Big Mac spread that would bring any red-blooded American (or college kid) to their knees.

clem mcd

Were those sweet 5/2 preseason odds too much to pass up for the McDonald’s Don? I think so. If Trump’s campaign showed us anything it’s that he knows the pulse of middle America. Andy Reid is middle America personified. A gut that is the result of sitting in an office chair for 10 hours a day, a closet full of Tommy Bahama shirts for the yearly trip to Orlando, and a utility belt for all those car problems that he assures his wife he can fix.

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Donny thought he was slick presenting the Dollar Menu spread to those college kids in order to set off the fast food alarm in Andy Reid’s head. But I’m on to him.

 

P.S.

Jackson Carman roasted POTUS like a Christmas ham.

Texas Is Back

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The 28-21 Sugar Bowl victory for the Texas Longhorns over the Georgia Bulldogs proved one thing, Texas is back.

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Sam Ehlinger proved last night that he can make this Texas team a legitimate threat to win any game they play in if the Oklahoma win didn’t already do that. This team played like Bevo when he sees Uga give him those eyes during pregame.

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There was no more telling series of plays than the Texas drive that ended in a 1-yard touchdown by Ehlinger. They ran more or less the same play 4 times in a row, an Ehlinger keeper that barely eked out that yard even though Georgia knew it was coming. But Herman didn’t care about that, he wanted Ehlinger to break Vince Young’s single-season rushing touchdown record by any means (and concussions) necessary.

Ehlinger plays with that swag that is necessary for a big-time college quarterback to have. He runs like a power back and drops his shoulder more than he slides. He wore a Drew Brees jersey in the stadium before the game just to establish what he intended to do.

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Oh, and he has the best wristband game in the nation.

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By the fourth quarter of this game, when it was all but wrapped up, the Texas defense seemed to just be trying to flex on Georgia. They got two targeting ejections on the same drive just to up their level of difficulty. It’s like playing on All-Madden difficulty at the end of a blowout game to make yourself feel better.

With Kyler Murray leaving Oklahoma the path to the Big 12 championship is wide open for Texas to come in and take it next year. If Herman can keep this up, it will be all horns up for the foreseeable future in the Big 12.

OK cool, Hook ‘Em

P.S. The Texas at Iowa State game on Nov. 16 will be one of the games of the year in the Conference if Brock Purdy continues to play at the level he is playing at now.

Hump Day Deep Dive #3- The First College Bowl Game

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College Bowl Season is upon us, a nearly month-long parade of obscurely named games in even more obscurely named place. In the storied history of College Bowl Season there have been some gems, the Advocare V100 Independence/Texas bowl (a pyramid scheme), the Popeyes Bahamas Bowl (there are no Popeyes in the Bahamas), and the Bitcoin St. Petersburg Bowl (The Venn Diagram of people who watch G5 bowl games and buy Bitcoin is just two separate circles.)

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(May I interest you in some fruity vitamin gummies?)

But how did this all start? From a man who enjoyed eating out of bowls so much that he wanted to watch a football game in one? Possibly. Was it from somebody in a hot air balloon, that looked suspiciously like the monopoly man, describing a stadium when looked on from above as “a large bowl full of tiny people? It’s likely. Was it started as entertainment for a parade much like the football games played on Thanksgiving? Well, let’s take a look.

In 1902, the fabled Tournament of Roses Parade needed a source of entertainment that wasn’t the traditional ostrich races tug of war competitions. Parade organizer James Wagner thought bringing the best football teams from the east and the west to clash head-to-head would be a great idea. And boy was he wrong. Michigan, the representative of the East, took on Stanford in a true stinker of a game.

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(Michigan 1902)

Michigan was known as the “Point-a-Minute” team, and they really knew how to pour it on. They finished the 1901-02 season with a whopping 550 points in 11 games (including this game). They also did not let up a single point at any time during that season. It was thought to be a good idea to bring in a 3-1-2 Stanford team to run into this past iteration of the Alabama Crimson Tide. To be frank, it did not go well. Michigan went up 49-0 before Stanford players quit and Captain Ralph “Human Embodiment of Smokey the Bear” Fisher threw in the towel.

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(Stanford 1902)

This was the revenge tour of Fielding H. “Peaky Blinders extra” Yost. The season prior he had coached at Stanford and was now facing his former team. His Wolverines finished the game with 527 rushing yards on 90 attempts (forward passes were not legal) and Stanford finished with only 67 yards.

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The game was played on a 110-yard field and scoring at the time was 5 points per touchdown or field goal and only one-point conversions. A game like this is like watching the love child of the Army-Navy game on steroids with any MAC game, with 594 yards rushing and 37 punts it would make anyone want to strap on a helmet and neckroll and run up the middle for hours on end in a rural Illinois corn field.

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(That is how you run power)

This game was so lopsided that football was not played at the Tournament of Roses for another 14 years when Washington State played Brown University in 2016. For some reason, people thought it was a better idea to watch ostrich races than a bastardized version of rugby that had bizarre scoring rules and almost an equally bad algorithm for determining champions as there is today.

So what can we learn from this? That if it was not for the heroic actions of one Fielding H. Yost to join a super team and take down his old squad in the most embarrassing way possible, then Kevin Durant would have nobody to base his decision off of. Thank you, Mr. Yost, for ruining the NBA.

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An Ode To Brocktober

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November marks the beginning of many things. The countdown Thanksgiving and the ensuing comatose. Herds of human wildebeests trampling fellow shoppers so that they can score a microwave for half off. In other words, the most joyous part of the year. But for me, it marks the end of the best time period on the Gregorian calendar, Brocktober.

Brocktober is the yearly period where mediocre players somehow weasel money out of multiple organizations seemingly at will. The Miami Dolphins are the latest victims of flash in the pan play from a certain 6’7 quarterback and are now roped into keeping him around for multiple years.

Image result for brock osweiler at nfl combine                                                             (So Tall! What Form!)

Brock Osweiler is not the first player named Brock to capture the hearts of a nation. There have been many in the past, and a plethora of present players to choose from. In total, there have been 71 players (that I could find) past and present to carry the hallowed Brock family crest. In an unprecedented and simply groundbreaking move, I have compiled the raw data and run multiple algorithms to figure out the exact profile of Brock, the Division 1 football player.

How Tall Is He?

With an example like Brock Osweiler, one would think that the average Brock towers over the rest of the American population. You would be right. The average Brock clocks in at a hair under 6 foot 3, compared to the paltry height of 5’9.5 for the average American male. And not to be overlooked, 24% of all D1 Brocks are 6’4 or taller. Those are Hall of Fame numbers right there.

(For those of you keeping score, it is Brock 1, everyone else 0)

What position is he?

You were probably expecting Brock, the peak of human evolution, to play quarterback. You are correct. 17% of all Brocks plays quarterback for his respective Division 1 school. Tied for second place is Wide Receiver and Defensive Back, so you know there are some athletes in this group. Also, a healthy number of Offensive Lineman in this group, at 14%.

Where does he play?

When you think of Brock do you think of cold weather? I didn’t think so. Brock plays at overwhelmingly warm-weather schools. The most common of those schools? The University of Missouri. Mizzou. The state with the most average education system in the US. Coincidence? Don’t be so naïve my dear friend. The other metric to measure this by is the jersey color the majority of Brocks wear. 34% of Brock wear a red jersey, and 30% wear blue jerseys. So, a healthy number of Stanford and BYU Brocks out there.

What does this all mean?

To summarize the data points, the average Brock is a 6’4 quarterback who plays at Mizzou. Now, does the SEC East run through Brock? You bet your bottom dollar it does. Nick Saban is kept up at night over the prospect of Brock dashing Alabama’s playoff hopes. Kirby Smart has fits trying to game plan for the lenth of not only Brock’s arms but his hair as well.

We should all thank our lucky stars that we do not have to deal with SEC Brock every day of our lives.