Peanut Tillman, King of the Feds

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“Locking up” just got a whole new meaning.

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Former Chicago Bear and Middleweight champion of the world Charles “Peanut” Tillman is America’s newest FBI agent.

This new position for Tillman needs to become a “Dog The Bounty Hunter” type reality show that follows Peanut as he apprehends criminals and punches whatever they just stole out of their hands. Every episode of this TV show can be focused on one of the FBI’s most wanted list. The First episode can be Peanut chasing down El Chapo in the mountains of Mexico and punching a vacuum sealed brick of heroin out of his hands then taking it all the way to the house.

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The mental picture of Tillman wearing an FBI windbreaker over shoulder pads and giving Ted Bundy the business as they try to make their getaway is too good to not come to fruition. Also getting Tillman on the next season of Mindhunter has to be a priority so that he can punch the hell out of the BTK killer when they finally catch him. Maybe even an appearance on Quantico so he can force a folder out of Liam O’Connor’s hands as he walks to the water bubbler. And forget the EGOT, Tillman will be the first person in the WPEMOV (Walter Payton, Emmy, Medal of Valor) club and put that hack Audrey Hepburn in her place.

Tillman can teach the Peanut Punch to all the other agents and they’ll dominate the FBI vs CIA charity boxing match for years to come.

The first case Peanut should be put on is investigating Brian Urlacher for identity fraud after growing that suspect full head of hair. It’s just unnatural and there must be foul play involved.

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Congrats Peanut on becoming an FBI agent and pre-congrats on the Oscar-winning TV show, Peanut Punches Perps” (working title)