Full Count: Takeaways from Week 2 of the MLB Season

 

1. Christian Yelich Is A Man Of The People

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A Wisconsin family held up a sign asking Christian Yelich to hit a home run so that their father would buy them a puppy. Yelich obliged by firing 3 home runs into Lake Michigan (which I assume at this point has been fully replaced with Miller Light) giving the family what they came for. But he was not done yet, he then brought the family into the Brewer’s locker room and gave them a puppy who they named Yeli.

Also, by taking the Cardinals behind the woodshed for 3 homers, he only needs a few more to tie the single-season record for home runs hit against the Cardinals (A weird stat I know, but impressive nonetheless). The reigning MVP is on his way to having an incredibly strong 2019 season.

2.Chris Davis Is Back, Baby

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Crush’s legendary, historical, comical, and kind of relatable hitless streak finally came to an end this week after 54 ABs. He got his first hit when he roped a 2 RBI single against the Red Sox. He followed that up by hitting a 2-run homer to the dismay of everyone who was hoping that the Red Sox would be a decent team this year. I have no idea how the Red Sox became the team that everybody, including Davis, can take deep but it gives me no joy. The Orioles playing better than the Red Sox makes me about as happy as a turtle who just found out the other turtle he has been trying to mate with for the past 4 and a half hours is just a suspiciously turtle-shaped rock.

3.Blake Snell Is An Idiot

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In a stroke of genius Tampa Bay Ace and 2018 Cy Young award winner broke his toe trying to nudge a statue in his house. If there is anything to be learned from this incident is that you should aspire to never put stone objects in your house. When you start going down the road of putting anything granite in your house, other than countertops, you’re on a one-way track to becoming a person who has a bookcase full of geodes. I don’t know how it happens and I don’t think they do either, one day you’re installing a granite centerpiece for your living room and the next you’re polishing a geode coffee table to balance your chakras. Also, Blake Snell looks like he sells fake molly to college freshman on spring break in Miami.

4.The Mariners Continue to Hit Dingers

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Seattle has been raking more than a landscaper in October. More than a British politician in the 17th century.  More than a 9-year-old who is being punished by an overbearing father after the kid came home with a C+ on his report card. Any way you slice it the Mariners have been on a tear hitting a home run in 18 straight games and aren’t showing any signs of stopping. They have been playing great ball this year and should have a strong fight with the Astros for control of the AL West. Don’t be too surprised if you see them in the postseason this year.

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